Makes decisions based on values

And as hour builds upon hour, and I edit and rewrite and edit some more and rewrite yet again, the article gradually gets completed. So a useful question to ask ourselves, whenever a goal seems to exceed our resources, is this: `What's the smallest, simplest, easiest little step I could take in the next twenty-four hours that would take me a tiny bit closer to achieving it? Embracing values From then on, they made it a point to stand by expectantly whenever they saw Jane entering her apartment, until the day she invited them in. The girls told her about their interest in making paper dolls, and Jane asked the question they had been waiting to hear, Would you like to make dolls and doll clothing with the boxes of brightly colored cloth and crayon bits that I have saved? Overjoyed, the children showed up at Jane's apartment every day. At first Jane just helped as the girls cut out patterns and watched them play; Because she was an only child and had no sibling for a playmate, Jane was fascinated and drawn into the process. After joining in their play, she was hooked, spending hours a week for the next year drawing and playing with the children. The year that Jane spent playing with the sisters, before they entered nursery school, was transformative for her. Not only did playing with them end her loneliness and mild boredom, it sparked her imagination. Her own artwork began to flourish, and she took up painting, something she hadn't done in years, with success. The greatest surprise, however, was the effect it had on her ten-year marriage. Do Action Plans incorporate both behavioral and cognitive change? Maintaining a Consistent Focus Do I use guided discovery to help the client identify relevant positive and negative beliefs? Can I state which of her beliefs are most central and which are narrower or more peripheral? Are we doing consistent, sustained work on her central beliefs [both positive and negative] at each session instead of only crisis intervention? If we have discussed childhood events, was there a clear rationale for why we needed to do so? Have I helped her see how her early beliefs relate to current difficulties and how such insight can help in the coming week?

Or how early experiences support her positive beliefs? Interventions Do I choose interventions based on both my goals for the session and the client's agenda? What matters to you in the big picture? What sort of life do you want to live? What sort of person do you want to be? What do you want to stand for? Get in touch with these values; When the going gets tough, remind yourself what you're standing for; If these values are important to you, are you willing to act on them? And if so, what are some simple actions you can take? MYTH-BUSTING TIME AGAIN One of the most unhelpful myths you'll encounter in the world of popular motivation and self-development is this one: you must absolutely believe, 100 per cent, that you will achieve your goal. Over the years Jane's relationship with her husband had grown predictable--pleasant, but a little dull. Playing with the children rekindled the playfulness Jane had once brought to the relationship, and this brought out the playful side of her husband, as well, who told Jane, You've turned into your old self, the person who I fell in love with. How Can You Add Fun and Playfulness to Your Life? The more things that you do to develop a sense of humor, the more humorous you will become. Many people did not experience mutual play as infants and don't know how to play with others just for the fun of it. The good news is this is something you can learn!

The more you play, the easier it is to play, and the more you practice, the more you learn. A commitment to play begins by putting aside other things to have quality time for playing on a regular basis. If you feel self-conscious and concerned about how you'll look and sound to others, which often is a big factor that limits a person's playfulness, remember that as a baby you were just naturally playful-- you did not worry about the reactions of other people. Do I check how distressed he felt and/or how strongly he endorsed an automatic thought or belief both before and after an intervention so I could judge how successful the intervention was? If an intervention is relatively unsuccessful, do I switch gears and try another approach? Processing Session Content Monitoring Clients' Understanding Have I summarized [or asked the client to summarize] frequently during the session? Have I asked her to state her conclusions in her own words? Have I been alert for nonverbal signs of confusion or disagreement? Conceptualizing Problems in Understanding Have I checked out my hypotheses with the client? If he has difficulty understanding what I am trying to express, is it due to a mistake I have made? People who play by this rule really are setting themselves up for a struggle. Because the bigger and more challenging the goal is, the harder it is for most people to believe 100 per cent that they will achieve it; Plus, if someone is actually egotistical or arrogant enough to go through life totally believing that they will succeed at every important goal they set, sooner or later they will get a big shock, because everybody, no matter how talented and driven they are, will fail at times. Fortunately, you do not have to believe completely that you'll win the contract in order to put in your proposal. You do not have to believe completely that the answer will be yes in order to ask someone out on a date. You do not have to believe completely that you will win the competition in order to enter. All you need do is to acknowledge there's a possibility - even if it's tiny.

And once you've acknowledged it's possible, you can play by this rule: Don't obsess about the outcome; THE REALITY GAP Whenever there's a large `reality gap' - by which I mean a gap between the reality we want and the reality we've got - painful feelings will arise. How you learn to play depends on your preferences. You can do the following: Loosen up your funny bones by watching funny movies and sitcoms. Take an improvisation comedy class. Make this into an exercise; Volunteer to play the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus for a family gathering, a party with coworkers, or a social function for an organization. Throw a costume party. Dressing up and pretending is a good way to get into playfulness. Begin by observing what you already do that borders on fun: Making faces in the mirror when you're alone? To my lack of concreteness? To my vocabulary or level of abstraction? To the amount of material I'm presenting in one chunk or in one session? Is a difficulty in understanding due to his level of emotional distress in the therapy session? To distraction? To automatic thoughts he is having at the moment? Maximizing Consolidation of Learning

What have I done to ensure that the client will remember key parts of the therapy session during the week and even after therapy has ended? Have I motivated her to read therapy notes daily? STUCK POINTS And the larger that reality gap, the greater the pain. A small reality gap may give rise to feelings of disappointment, frustration, anxiety, regret, boredom, guilt or impatience. An enormous reality gap may give rise to despair, angst, rage or terror. Some of the most painful reality gaps occur when important life goals become truly impossible. For example, once you have a prison record or a history of severe mental illness, there are all sorts of professions which you become permanently barred from entering. Likewise, if you're suffering from an incurable, debilitating illness or you're severely disabled, there are all sorts of activities that are no longer possible - at least, with the science of today. This is where mindfulness and values come to our aid. We can open up and make room for all those painful feelings, acknowledge that it hurts like hell, and be kind and compassionate to ourselves. We can then ask ourselves: `What do I want to stand for in the face of this gap? No prizes for guessing which choice gives us the greatest sense of fulfilment and vitality. Dressing up or down? Daydreaming? Unless you also learn to play for fun with other people, you won't hone the joyous skills you need to make your relationships flourish. One of the best ways to learn something new is to practice with experts. Here are some additional things you can do to immerse yourself in mutual play: Play with animals. Puppies, kittens, and young animals in general are eager playmates and ever ready to be playfully engaged.