Managing stress

Reviewing the photographs gave me the chance to respond to his discounting cognitions; Inducing Images of Current and Historical Experiences Imagery tends to reinforce adaptive beliefs at both the intellectual and the emotional level, especially when clients experience positive affect as they visualize a scene. I asked LENNY to tell me about and then visualize both recent and historic memories. Here's one example: PAULINE: Can you think about your history? What was a situation in which you felt really competent? Can you imagine this scenario, as if it's happening right now? New neural patterns can be created throughout life in relationships that mirror those of successful attachment. Just as the damage created by an inadequate early relationship can be seen on brain scans, improvements can also be seen. In the following articles, we'll explore just how we can begin to facilitate this change through the language of emotional intelligence. The following attachment styles and parental styles, along with the ways they may be seen in adult relationships, give us significant clues to where we may be starting out and offer a new glimpse into creating fulfilling love and work relationships, by providing the keys to identifying and rectifying relationships that are on the rocks. The first step in preparing for emotionally intelligent communication is recognizing when our own stress levels, or those of our partners or our colleagues, are out of control. Unrecognized stress responses play such an important role in our abilities to communicate effectively that they can undermine even the strongest love and work relationships. How Stress Challenges Relationships Stress can weaken relationships by crippling our abilities to: Although every individual and every person's emotional makeup is different, it is useful to consider the following typical examples of how stress affects relationships: Irene has a new job with much more pressure and hasn't been sleeping well. Doing something about it will. Shahrukh Khan

The last article should have taught you two things: Stress is a part of everyone's life and too much of it can have adverse effects on your body and mind. The first step towards dealing with a problem is to accept that you have one. So I'd like to ask you a simple question: Are you stressed? And if you are, how stressed are you? Don't rush with your answer. Take some time to think it over. However, if you're unsure or unable to gauge what stress is, try the following exercise. The Stress Quiz However, if you're absolutely opposed to it, there are many other ways of developing engagement skills. All you need do is to stop and . It is a 20-minute march from your cramped, gloomy prison cell to the limestone quarry. Once there, you will slave away with your pick and shovel under the searing sun, your hands blistered and bleeding, your body drenched with sweat and plastered with dust. How would you feel if you were on that march, knowing what lay in store for you? In his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom, Nelson Mandela described this march as a `tonic'. For thirteen of his years in Robben Island prison, he did it every single morning. And as he did so, he engaged fully in his experience: he noticed the birds flying gracefully through the sky, the cool caress of the wind blowing in from the sea and the fresh smell of the eucalyptus blossoms. He wasn't lost in thoughts about the hard work ahead of him or the miserable days behind him; Fortunately, we don't have to be locked away in prison to appreciate the birds, the wind and the flowers. Tell me what you see, what you're thinking, how you're feeling . LENNY: (Visualizes and describes the experience of finding out he was getting a promotion at work.

PAULINE: You know, you're still the same person now, with the same level of competence. It's just partially covered over by the depression, which affects what you do, what you think, and how you feel. Acting As If Clients are often willing to act as if they believe their adaptive belief--and doing so strengthens this belief. LENNY and I were discussing an upcoming job interview. I asked LENNY to visualize this situation, as if it were happening right now, and to imagine acting as if he believed his positive belief. His Action Plan was then to act that way in the actual situation. LENNY, can you imagine what it would be like if you completely believed you were competent when you went for your job interview? She is cranky when she gets home and in no mood to listen to Alex talk about his day. No matter how hard she tries to be interested and listen, she can't stay focused. Alex feels hurt and as a result, goes out by himself, leaving Irene home alone. Norm is under a lot of pressure at school but doesn't want to break his date with Kristy. Even though he usually enjoys her playful kidding and finds it amusing, tonight it infuriates him and he explodes. Kristy is hurt. She has no idea why Norm is behaving in a way that is so unlike him. Ben, stressed to the point of exhaustion after too many days of overscheduling and multitasking, has collapsed in front of the TV, missing a critical after-hours call from work. Mary Alice and her best friend have such a heated argument that she heads to the mall to cool off and distract herself. There, she loses track of the time and is a no-show for dinner with Sam, who is completely in the dark about what's going on and thinks he has done something wrong. Each point is one positive statement. If you feel this best describes you, pick option a.

If you feel this describes you partially, tick option b. If you feel this statement is the exact opposite of who you are, then option c is your answer. I'm able to organize my time effectively and efficiently. I can maintain my cool under pressure or in situations that are outside my control. I get eight hours of restful sleep every night. I can say `no' without feeling guilty. I am free of emotional baggage such as anxiety, irritability, and depression. I like having fun and love to laugh. If we stop rushing around on automatic pilot and use our five senses to connect fully with the world around us, we will find much more fulfilment. Yes, we all know the saying, `Stop and smell the roses', but how often do we actually do it? The exercises in this article all involve engaging through the five senses: noticing what you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. This is to help you develop your ability to stay present, focused and absorbed in whatever you are doing. As we have discussed, this ability is essential if you want to do anything well, or find it satisfying. MINDFULNESS FOR BUSY PEOPLE I have occasionally met people who had `too much time on their hands', but I have to say, they are few and far between. Most of us are busy, busy, busy. Many of my clients tell me they `don't have time to practise all this stuff'. Indeed, I often have the same thoughts myself. Can you visualize it? How do you feel when you enter the reception area?

What are you thinking? Remember, you completely believe you're competent. When you walk up to the receptionist, what does your posture look like? What does your face look like? What do you say to the receptionist? How are you feeling? What do you do when you meet the interviewer? What do you look like sitting in the chair? Terri is feeling so overwhelmed by debt that she cannot maintain her focus at work and just goes through the motions, accomplishing nothing--a fact that does not escape the notice of her boss and is jeopardizing her job. Stephanie is so jumpy and agitated that no one at work wants to be near her. She thinks her colleagues don't like her, but they are avoiding the tension she radiates. In these examples, Norm, Mary Alice, and Stephanie appear hot, angry, and agitated--hyperaroused; Irene, Ben, and Terri seem spacey, withdrawn, or depressed-- hypoaroused. Although a person's hyper (ie, overexcited) behavior may appear to be completely different and even opposite from a person's hypo (ie, underex-cited) stress responses, in actuality they produce similar disruptions in the nervous system: their internal (within their bodies) responses to stress can be identical. In fact, heart rates and blood pressure can be even higher in those who are withdrawn than in those who are enraged. How Stress Affects the Nervous System For most people, experiencing stress is so routine that it becomes a way of life. In fact, not all stress is bad; I am happy with my earning capacity. I am able to live within my means.