Why caring is sharing

While this will-only-work-when-ass-is-on-fire attitude might get results, you will feel the burn in the long run. There's only so much your body can allow you. So, all the procrastinators out there, you have been forewarned. Psychologist Varkha Chulani says, `Stress is a very misused and a misunderstood term. A little bit of stress is healthy. If a person doesn't have emotional drive of sorts and doesn't have the pressure, then he or she could be lazy or unmotivated'. So, in a completely stress-free life, you don't grow, you vegetate. However, it's when the stress levels tip the scales from `moderately bearable' to `someone call an ambulance' that the fun and games come to a screeching stop. Option 5: Balloon breathing You can imagine a balloon inside your abdomen that gradually expands as you breathe in, and deflates as you breathe out. ANYTIME, ANY PLACE One of the great things about mindful breathing is we can practise it any time, any place. I encourage you to practise it at: Red traffic lights Waiting in queues During commercial breaks on TV Sitting on the toilet When you arrive early for a meeting, interview or social event Ask them to name another person who views them positively: LENNY, who's someone who knows you pretty well, whose judgment you trust? What would [this person] say you had done this week that's evidence you're competent?

Using a Chart to Collect Evidence An important Action Plan item was for LENNY to remind himself to look for data that supported his positive beliefs. Once we agreed to work on his belief that he was competent, we converted his credit list into an Evidence of Competence Chart (Figure 18. I made this chart in session for him. We started it together so I could be sure he understood what to do. I asked him to include evidence about things that not only were even a little difficult but also were easy but nevertheless indicated competence. The chart also elicited his conclusions about these experiences and, especially, what these experiences showed about him. He filled out the chart at home and brought it to therapy so he could add additional examples we discovered during our sessions. Unflattering Words In the midst of a creative surge, Allen was completely revising and upgrading a major website that he had created. Because he needed to accomplish a lot in a very short turnaround period, he hired two talented young tech employees. The three of them worked together very closely and productively day and night for several months. Then Allen, who was much older than the new recruits, began to lose steam, despite his ongoing passion, excitement, and dedication to the work. Allen was a terrific boss--direct, emotionally open about his feelings, funny, and, best of all, appreciative of his employees' efforts and accomplishments. Nonetheless, he began to get on their nerves as he stood over them, watching their every move. Fatigued at this point, Allen's role consisted mostly of pointing out what wasn't going to work, which put a damper on the creative process of the others. Being creative himself, Allen understood that the freedom to make mistakes is crucial during the creative process, but he was running on one cylinder. The young people, buoyed by Allen's previous praise and his emotional openness, took a leap of faith and decided to trust him with the truth that he was now getting in their way. In my own life, I have seen how stress can sometimes be beneficial. Being under pressure has given me moments of clarity and made me see the person that I really am and what I want.

Like the times I have had to juggle my work and my kids' exams, when I have to prioritize according to what is more important to me. Or opting between money and what I believe in. Stress has forced me to revaluate my life, it has simplified things for me. It has made me to do more philanthropic work. To take on projects which interest me, but don't necessarily come with a fat pay cheque. It's made life a bit more worthwhile. The truth is there's no getting rid of stress forever. All of us have to go through it. In bed as you drift off to sleep or wake up When you're on hold on the telephone Whenever you have time to kill: as you wait for a bus, train or aeroplane, or for your partner to get ready, or for a movie to begin On top of all these informal mini-exercises, I encourage you to create a schedule for formal practice. For example, in the first week you might set aside five minutes two or three times a day to sit somewhere quietly and practise mindful breathing. You might then increase the duration by thirty seconds each day, until by week three you are doing this for ten minutes two or three times a day. Keep in mind that every little bit of practice counts. Even one minute a day is better than none at all. To help develop the habit you could use some simple reminders. Why not stick a label on your fridge or your car dashboard that says `Breathe', `Engage' or `Practise'? A little later in treatment, we used the same chart to collect historic evidence of competence. Event/Experience

Conclusion, or what this says about me I finished going through all the bills and paying them. I can concentrate better than I thought. Soccer coach thanked me several times again after the game. I can organize people pretty well. I helped Jim fix a leak. I can figure things out. LENNY's Evidence of Competence Chart. Because their working relationship with Allen had always been based on honesty and goodwill, they suggested to him that if he left them alone for the rest of the day they could be more productive. To Allen's credit, he was aware of his physical fatigue and able to recognize that it was clouding his ability to be a positive, contributing member of the team. He laughingly acknowledged that he was tired and went home early. As a result, when Allen went into the office the next morning, he found that the work on his website had progressed nicely without him. Ultimately, the incident further facilitated the highly productive working relationship of his creative team. We're Not Stuck with Our Limitations Relationship-destroying patterns of communication brought about through inadequate early relationships, isolation, abuse, or neglect can be changed. We are not lifelong prisoners of our childhood experiences. Our brains remain receptive to change--especially in contexts where feelings and emotions flow from moment to moment. Change is a social phenomenon that we can orchestrate with the help of supportive friends, loved ones, and coworkers. The world will throw up far too many hurdles for it to ever be an eternal Goan beach for us. Also, as I've said, a little bit of stress is no bad thing.

However, our problems lie in the fact that we face too much of it but as I will go on to show you, there are plenty of ways to deal with it and not end up like a Danesh or Maya or Sheela. There are ways in which we can train our minds and bodies to handle stress and not crumble under pressure. Sometimes, we just don't know what to do or who to turn to. So we just accept this harsh reality of our lives and try to deal with it in a positive way. That is why I've written this article: To offer you different perspectives about stress and solutions to tackle it. Now that you know what stress means, it's time for a reality check. Let's find out if you are stressed or not. And for that, you'll have to turn the article. You could also use your computer or mobile phone: set a reminder to pop up in your calendar each day. Another option is to put a brightly coloured sticker on the strap of your watch, or on your wallet or purse; You could also plan in advance: if you know there's a good chance you'll be stuck waiting somewhere, such as when attending a doctor's appointment, or catching a plane, then make a commitment before you get there that you'll spend at least some of that time mindfully breathing. BREATHING IS JUST THE START Mindful breathing is a useful practice in its own right. It allows us to take some time out from our busy daily routines, and often creates a restful state that allows us to recharge our batteries and find some inner peace. However, I'd like you to think of it as a versatile training tool to help you engage fully in every meaningful task in your life. When you're playing sport, working out, writing that article, making that sculpture, painting that canvas, playing that instrument, making love, playing with your kids, dancing at a party, making conversation, giving that speech or negotiating that deal, instead of shining the spotlight on your breath, shine it on the task that you are doing; And what if you don't like mindful breathing? Well, I encourage you to practise it anyway, because even if you don't like it at first, most people find as time goes on, it gets easier and more rewarding. He also took photographs of the pile of bills he had just finished paying, of the soccer coach and team, and of Jim's leaky pipe. I asked LENNY to take a photograph of as many of these positive experiences as he could (or to look online for an image that represented the experience) to show me at subsequent sessions.