Mobilising the brain to learn

To change a negative belief, you will educate clients about core beliefs, monitor the activation of their schemas, explain their contribution to clients' current difficulties, and motivate clients to change them (as described in article 17). You'll use both intellectual- and emotional-level techniques, as described below. Many of the techniques are also used to modify automatic thoughts. Socratic questioning Behavioral experiments Stories, movies, and metaphors Cognitive continuum Using others as a reference point Kay's response to this stress was to numb her emotions and focus intellectually on problems that needed to be solved. But by avoiding her emotions, she also failed to read the nonverbal signals coming from other committee members, who disagreed with her choice of architect for the project. Her failure to understand their concerns, along with her desire to quickly complete the work, unwittingly created an adversarial relationship with some committee members. Because of her confusion and frustration with the process, she became so overwhelmed that she resigned her leadership position. The remaining committee members subsequently chose an inexperienced architect who designed a building that cost far more to build than was budgeted. The Most Common Stress Response Patterns Our nervous systems react differently to situations that are, or are perceived to be, overwhelming, isolating, confusing, or threatening. No two people are wired exactly the same, but Dr Connie Lillas, a child development expert from Los Angeles, uses the analogy of driving a car to describe the three most common ways people respond to stress: Foot on the gas: a heated, angry, in-your-face response, where the person is agitated and can't sit still However, she also had two growing daughters to take care of. So between her work, tuition classes, supermarkets, school meetings and general house work, Sanaya didn't seem to have any relief coming her way.

She was constantly worried about the next few hours that hadn't even happened yet. She confessed that she would often sneak away to the bathroom for a quick cry to deal with the stress of it all. The first step for Sanaya and for us in dealing with stress is to understand it better. We've looked at what happens to our bodies when we are stressed. Now let's look at the circumstances in which it comes into our lives. In this article, I will talk about the six big reasons why we feel stressed. In understanding these factors better, we can become more vigilant ourselves. The reasons why we feel stressed are directly related to: And I reminded him, `As you do this, let your mind chatter away like a radio in the background. And whenever you get hooked, acknowledge it, unhook and refocus. At our next session Seb reported that he had tried this approach, and much to his surprise, stacking the dishwasher had turned into an engaging activity rather than a task of mindless drudgery. If I had a choice between watching football and stacking the dishwasher, believe me, football would win hands down. But it's different when I do it mindfully. I kind of get absorbed in it. It's weird; I didn't think stacking dishes could be interesting. ENGAGING IN A PLEASURABLE ACTIVITY Each and every day, we do many things that are potentially very pleasurable, but we fail to maximise the enjoyment and satisfaction of these experiences because we're not fully engaged. Self-disclosure Intellectual-emotional role plays

Historical tests Restructuring the meaning of early memories Socratic Questioning When evaluating LENNY's beliefs, I use the same kinds of questions as I used in evaluating his automatic thoughts. Even when I identify a general belief, I help LENNY evaluate it in the context of specific situations. This specificity helps make the evaluation more concrete and meaningful, and less abstract and intellectual. PAULINE: [summarizing what LENNY learned from the just-completed downward arrow technique] Okay, so you believe about 90% that if you ask for help, it means you're incompetent. Is that right? Foot on the brake: a shut-down, depressed, withdrawn response, where the person exhibits little energy or emotion Foot on both: a tense and still response, where the person's eyebrows may be raised, eyes wide open, shoulders tight and lifted; Jack and Tess love and genuinely care about one another, but neither feels truly loved by the other, and they have struggled for years to live well together. Typical of the way they relate is what happened one evening when Tess asked Jack to meet her for dinner at a hotel restaurant in another part of town, where she was conducting a business meeting. Jack agreed with enthusiasm but got lost driving to the hotel. After waiting for an hour, Tess was furious and ate dinner alone (without calling Jack to see what had happened, because she was certain that once again he had flaked out on her--another sign of his disregard for her feelings). By the time they met up at home later that evening, each had spiraled down into a numbing depression that left them both mute and unable to communicate. When to Wait Before Acting Is your foot on the gas or the brake internally? Are you overwhelmed to the point that you feel out of control? Work: another day, another disaster Our increased work hours, and the expectations that come with them are the main reasons for stress at work.

Most of the time people are stressed because they cannot meet deadlines or achieve targets, or because they want to put their best foot forward at work or at a meeting, and find it difficult to do so. We're always presenting ourselves to people, which can get exhausting. You need a little time to relax, do things other than work and just be yourself. But how many of us can actually do that? Take Atul, Ekta, and Kainaz. Kainaz worked a six-day week, and over twelve hours a day. Sundays were spent catching up on sleep, or in the office. It was very normal to receive a text message at 11 pm on a Saturday asking her to report to work the next day. We take them for granted, or do them on autopilot while thinking about what we have to do next. Common examples include: eating, drinking, playing with your kids, stroking a pet, having a shower, or hugging a loved one. We also miss out on many simple pleasures simply because we're too busy to `stop and smell the roses'. What could you do, simply and easily, that could add some pleasure to your life? Could you go for a walk in the park and appreciate the birds and the flowers? Could you listen to more of your favourite music? Could you cook something special? Could you add a bit of spice to your sex life? Each day, I invite you to practise mindfulness of at least two pleasurable experiences. If you're having a shower, use all five senses to engage in it: notice the patterns of the droplets on the shower screen, the sensations of the water on your skin, the smell of the shampoo and soap, and the sound of the spray coming out of the nozzle. PAULINE: Could there be another way of viewing asking for help? LENNY: I'm not sure.

PAULINE: Take therapy, for example. Are you incompetent because you came for help here? LENNY: A little, maybe. PAULINE: Hmm. That's interesting. I usually view it in the opposite way. Is it possible it's actually a sign of strength and competence that you came to therapy? Because what would have happened if you hadn't? If the answer to questions like these is yes, it's time to stop and wait until you steer yourself back into balance. As you become a stress-busting detective, you will learn that: The first principle for improving relationships is to recognize an imbalance in yourself. Then it also will be much easier to recognize an imbalance in others. The second principle is to wait until your balance is restored before attempting any sort of constructive communication process. Proceeding from a state of imbalance will likely make matters worse. Recognizing Particular Stress Response Patterns An inability to recognize that each person may have different stress patterns can result in seemingly insurmountable difficulties in communication, creating misunderstandings and distance in relationships. While there can be some crossover, generally each individual responds to stress with a discernible pattern of either overexcitation (hyper) or underexcitation (hypo). This means that some commonly recommended stress-relief techniques for everyone may have no effect at all or might even make matters worse. The stress made her eat pure junk, and the long hours had her trapped in a cubicle with little or no movement. She would wake up in the middle of the night trying to solve a work problem and then have trouble going back to sleep.