Promoting a culture for learning

PAULINE: And do these two situations--therapy and help at the shelter--apply to you? LENNY: I guess they do. Here I used Socratic questioning in the context of two specific situations to help LENNY evaluate his dysfunctional belief. I judged that the standard questions of examining the evidence and evaluating outcomes would be less effective than asking leading questions. Note that when you're evaluating beliefs, you may need to ask questions that are more persuasive and less evenhanded than when evaluating more malleable cognitions at the automatic thought level. You can hand draw a chart to help clients track and reframe evidence that seems to support their dysfunctional beliefs (Figure 18. Event/Experience Asking for help at homeless shelter Learning to recognize and manage stress and to stay calm and focused sets the stage for the following: Internal focus. This enables us to pay closer attention to how we are feeling inside while meeting the demands of others in our lives. As an example, Jack's desire to help others makes him popular, but by developing bleeding ulcers, he has learned the hard way that giving too much to others creates problems for himself. By paying more attention to his internal state of energy and focus, he recognizes when it's time to shift the focus from others back to himself. Taking care of himself and his own needs actually allows Jack to give more of himself to the people and projects he cares about most. Mind/body unity. This integrates communication so that our words and body language convey the same message. Bright eyes, a soft face, a gentle tone, an easy pace, and relaxed shoulders all communicate what we cannot when we are agitated, fearful, withdrawn, or depressed. Recognizing inappropriate behaviors in our relationships. Stress gets me going, which is okay till it reaches a point where I'm popping blood pressure tablets. And I'm only 38.

As filmmakers, we want to pack in much more during a day than what is considered normal in the real world. Also, our work hours are sporadic. It's not a nine-to-five job. We sleep at odd hours, eat at odd hours. None of it is good or right. I work on Sundays. I have no concept of such a thing as a weekend. I never get that Friday evening high about there being a weekend to look forward to. The instant we unhook ourselves from those thoughts and engage fully in whatever we are doing, we can see clearly and take effective action. THE WORRY SMOG One of the most suffocating forms of psychological smog is worrying. We all worry to some degree, but the more habitual it becomes, the more it drains our vitality. It wastes time, saps energy, and gets in the way of effective action. All the clients I've mentioned so far wasted plenty of time worrying. Raj worried endlessly about the possibility of losing money with his new restaurant venture. Seb worried about whether he would ever be able to have `good sex' again, and whether or not his wife would leave him if he didn't `satisfy' her. Sarah worried about screwing up her auditions. And Cleo and Claire both worried a lot about being rejected, or clamming up in social situations. Competent people ask for help when they need it. Going to therapy

It's a sign of strength and competence to get treatment. Lost my job Boss changed my job and didn't provide training. LENNY's Reframes of Competence Belief Chart. PAULINE: [summarizing] So it was difficult for you to come to therapy and talk to a supervisor at the homeless shelter because of your belief If I ask for help, it shows I'm incompetent or a failure. Is that right? PAULINE: Now that we've discussed it, how do you see it? LENNY: If I ask for help, I'm not incompetent? This allows us to feel just right and stable, enhancing our abilities to become more aware of detrimental knee-jerk behaviors in others and ourselves. Maintaining internal balance helps us maintain focus--even when the other person becomes angry or defensive. Having energy to spare. Lacking internal controls can leave us drained, but learning to calm and soothe ourselves gives us the ability to quickly adjust, regaining our internal balance. Lots of energy is needed to effect change, but this energy isn't available when our nervous systems are constantly in a state of flux. Remaining Calm and Focused Under Stress Many of us, spending so much of our lives in an unbalanced state, have probably forgotten what it feels like to be fully relaxed and alert. We can see that just right inner balance in the face of a happy baby, so full of joy that it makes everybody else regain perspective. For adults, feeling just right equals energy and alertness, and focus and calm, and being with such a person just feels right. But it's the way the movie industry works and we feed off the adrenaline rush that the business gives us. But our time management is all over the place.

I run a production house. I also direct films and I've got loads of other things to do. It's a sole proprietorship in a sense, so every decision is mine. I have the final call on everything that's happening. This can be quite unnerving at times. I'm also extremely accessible in my organization. Everyone who works with me has my number and can call me at any given point of time. I feel it is a great thing, but the flipside to being so accessible is that your phone is always on and you're always on your phone. All of these people reduced their worrying significantly using the techniques in this article. But at no point did I say to them `Stop worrying about it. After all, if it were that easy to stop, they probably would have done so long before we so wisely suggested it. In fact, many of my clients complain: `I try to stop worrying, but I can't. There's a lot of research now which shows that trying to stop worrying usually just makes it worse; So how then do we deal with the `worry smog'? Step 1: Be clear about what `worrying' is Worrying does not mean having thoughts about `bad' things that might happen. We all have such thoughts, and as with any other form of psychological smog, the thoughts themselves are not the problem; Worrying means fusing with those thoughts: holding on tightly to them, replaying them over and over instead of letting them go. PAULINE: You don't sound convinced. Do you want to phrase it like this: Asking for help when I need it is a sign of competence?

PAULINE: How much do you believe this new idea now? LENNY: A lot . PAULINE: Would you be willing to keep a chart in which you write down evidence that you initially think supports the idea that you're incompetent? PAULINE: Then you can counter it with a more realistic perspective, which we can call the alternative view or reframe or something else. What do you want to call it? LENNY: I like reframe. I then draw the chart in Figure 18. I ask LENNY to think of another item that belongs on the chart, and he writes it down. Staying calm and focused under stress is characterized by the following: Feelings of control. The ability to harness or unleash our energy at will and appropriately take charge in any situation gives us confidence in ourselves. Heightened sensory awareness. Calming and invigorating, it's acquired through both internal and external sources. Colors are brighter, scents and tastes more intense, sounds clearer, and touch more penetrating. An overall awareness of our bodies even translates to a sense of grace. Trust in others. A working knowledge that people can be dependable and caring and that we can feel safe in their company is invaluable. We need a sense that the world is there to be explored. Every day is a crisis. Every day is about resolving a crisis, or taking some work back home.