Take the challenge: could you pull the sword from the stone?

Is that right? PAULINE: Can we talk about that idea for a moment? I'd like to figure out what's going on. Either the problem is that you really are incompetent, and if so, we'll work together to make you more competent . Maybe the problem is that you have a belief that you're incompetent, when you're really not. And sometimes the belief is so strong that it prevents you from even finding out whether you could do something well. LENNY: I don't know. PAULINE: I think there are two things we need to do. Your friends often seem to betray your trust. You have a constant need for control, power, and authority over others. You keep finding yourself in unsatisfying or unsuccessful relationships at home or at work. In addition, when you compare yourself to others, you seem less able to bounce back after you suffer hurt or disappointment. If you do identify with any of the preceding descriptions, hold on to the following thought: What has happened may not be anyone's fault--least of all yours! Is It Mother's Fault You're Messed Up? Painful and isolating early life experiences can and do leave lasting imprints on our lives, but assigning blame usually is not the answer. The chaos, confusion, fear, and distrust caused by poor or inadequate early life experiences are likely to be handed down from one generation to the next. A mother who herself has not experienced good enough emotional communication or is emotionally unavailable for a good reason--grief, feeling overwhelmed, depression--probably will not be able to emotionally communicate with her infant, unless she has experienced repair. Mothers don't get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say, How can I disrupt my child's life today? Almost all of us in the cities suffer from acute stress from time to time. Renowned cardiologist Dr Brian Pinto knows what I'm talking about.

Not to mention the crazy traffic situation! Acute stress doesn't linger for a prolonged period of time. You release it just as quickly as you experience it. In fact, in certain cases acute stress is good for you as it can help you perform better, do your work more quickly and focus your energy to face challenges. It's the rush you feel when you've taken on a challenging work assignment and are determined to do a good job; Athletes experience it before a big event or tournament; It supplies the motivation to pursue an achievable challenge. You become more alert, more aware, more ready for action. If we let them come and go, then we can focus our attention on more important matters. Now pause for twenty seconds, and notice what your mind is saying. Is your mind enthusiastic and cooperative? Or is it just `going with the flow'? Has it gone quiet on you? Or is it full of questions and objections? Here are a few concerns that often arise: Q: Thinking is very useful. Surely you're not suggesting I let go of all my thoughts? A: Not at all. One is to have you recognize when you are being competent and set up more experiences where you can use your competence. The second is to see whether you really are incompetent when you feel incompetent.

Using a Metaphor to Explain Information Processing Later I explain core beliefs to LENNY, in small parts, making sure he understands as I proceed. I use the metaphor of a screen. PAULINE: This idea, I'm incompetent, is what we call a negative core belief. If it's okay, I'd like to tell you about core beliefs. They're more difficult to change than automatic thoughts. PAULINE: First of all, a negative core belief is an idea that you may not believe very strongly when you're not depressed. On the other hand, we'd expect you to believe it almost completely when you are depressed, even if there's evidence that it's not true. Usually caretakers do the best they can with the tools they have, but those tools just might be inadequate for the task. It seems distressing to point to our earliest life experiences and find that some kind of neurological brain-circuitry disruption, usually unintentional, took place that may be damaging our current relationships, our work, and our happiness, and that we may unknowingly pass along these troubles to our children through our own underdeveloped abilities. Fortunately, thanks to what we have learned about brain development and secure attachment, we now know much more about what it takes to repair earlier damage. How Relationships Shape Brain Function Stephanie, Steven, and the rest of us are born with brains that need positive interactive experiences to produce the states of balance necessary for healthy neurological development. Through the new brain-scanning technologies, science has documented that the brain is enormously plastic at birth and that it also retains some plasticity throughout life. Although we used to believe the brain was incapable of change once we reached adulthood, we now know that's not true. According to UCLA child psychiatrist and developmental specialist Daniel J. Siegel, At birth the brain is the most undifferentiated organ in the body with a plasticity that enables it to create new circuitry throughout life. This capacity for structural and functional change . However, you need to rest afterwards and not harbour this condition for long. If you allow it to persist, it will turn into chronic stress.

CHRONIC STRESS is the stress that has become a constant in your life, and which you experience for a long period of time. This could happen because of a major emotional upheaval in your life such as the death of a loved one, prolonged illness, ageing, a sudden change in environment, a painful break up, divorce, financial difficulties, and so on. Or it could happen if you're a constant worrier who just doesn't let up. In all cases, you are more or less always under stress. Chronic stress should never be taken lightly as it can have damaging effects on your body. It can affect your internal organs such as your thyroid gland, and you may develop hypothyroid. Or it can damage your pancreas and you may develop diabetes. Obesity and hypertension could also be the direct result of chronic stress. If a thought is helpful - if it contains useful information that could help us to function better, perform better and build a better life, then it makes sense to use it; However, in the examples above, the thoughts are clearly unhelpful, so it makes sense to let them come and go. Q: But if I could just stop these negative thoughts from occurring in the first place, then there wouldn't be any problem, would there? A: For sure. And I'm willing to bet you've already tried that. And it didn't work, did it? And if you want to try harder, be my guest. Just keep in mind that not even Zen masters, after a lifetime of mind training, develop the ability to eliminate negative thoughts. Q: But when I'm in a challenging situation, it's hard to let my thoughts come and go. Isn't there an easier way? PAULINE: When you get depressed, this idea becomes quite strong. The idea that you're incompetent is written on it a billion times.

Anything that fits in with the idea that you are incompetent goes straight through the screen and into your mind. But any information that contradicts it doesn't fit through. So you don't even notice the positive information, or you discount it in some way so it will. Next, I question LENNY to see whether the metaphor seems to fit his experience. PAULINE: Well, let's see. Looking back at the past few weeks, what evidence is there that you might be competent? Or what would I think you did competently? I figured out how to fix my grandson's robot. Like a science fiction movie come true, the use of brain-scanning techniques allows us to see the following: The brain can continually produce new neural pathways even as old ones are dying, no matter our age. Interactive experience--that is, communications with other people--rather than genetics plays the more dominant role in shaping and reshaping the structure and function of the brain and in determining personal and interpersonal response and behavior. Communication That Alters Brain Structure and Function Why is it that we can often sense the insincerity of someone's words in casual conversation or even that of a speaker who is earnestly giving a presentation? This, in essence, is the heart of emotional intelligence. Our brains are attuned to read the subtle nonverbal messages of emotional intelligence that contrast with the spoken word. Unspoken signals are triggered by deeply felt emotions that register in facial expressions, timing, movements, and tone of voice. These nonverbal messages--whether calming and energizing, or negative and manipulative--are much more significant and persuasive than words. Over a period of time, chronic stress can weaken your immunity and can be directly responsible for osteoporosis as it affects bone formation. It can also damage cells in the brain, affecting your learning and memory.