Give your brain a break

Chronic stress has a bearing on fertility too and is known to increase the possibility of miscarriages. I could have a classic bang-up argument with a colleague and make all the points that need to be made, but the stress shows when a playful comment from someone else brings tears an hour later. ELENA DAWSON, JOURNALIST Chronic stress may also cause the following either indirectly or might exacerbate existing problems. I call these the fatal five: Type 2 diabetes Hypertension Coronary heart disease A: Riding a bike, driving a car and using a pen all seem hard when we first start to learn them. Suppose I said to you, `You know, learning to ride a bike at the age of forty-three is so hard. I've got no sense of balance, I'm wobbling all over the place, I'm afraid of falling off. I didn't know it would be so hard. I feel like giving up. You might as well give up. Just go and read some articles about bike-riding, and after that you should be able to ride well. Learning mindfulness skills is much the same as learning to ride a bike, play the piano or bake a cake. It may seem hard at the beginning, but it gets easier with practice. Fortunately, we can start learning mindfulness with simple, easy exercises. PAULINE: Good! And did that evidence go right through the screen?

Did you tell yourself, I figured out how to fix the robot. That means I'm competent? Or anything like that? I guess I thought, It took me a long time to figure it out. PAULINE: Oh, so it looks like the screen was operating. Do you see how you discounted the evidence that contradicted your core belief I'm incompetent? PAULINE: Can you think of any other examples from this week? Situations where a reasonable person might think something you did showed you were competent, even if you didn't? Physical and emotional expression is what draws people to us or makes them avoid us, and the new research and technology explain why. At birth a person's brain is so socially attuned that wordless communication, independent of genetic factors, is primarily responsible for shaping development. The brain's remarkable plasticity at this point--the ability to change both structure and function--sets a lifelong template for thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Moreover, because the brain remains flexible throughout life, nonverbal forms of communication retain the capacity to create continuous changes. Attachment and How It Affects Relationships The brain at birth is programmed to connect us to one very significant person. How we relate to that special someone is determined by our emotional intelligence-- our nonverbal communication--and will in fact determine how we relate to other people later in life. The attachment bond formed back then was our first experience in communication and sets the stage for our ability to communicate in all future relationships. People who experienced confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications early in life often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding what they and others experience emotionally. In turn, this will greatly limit their ability to accurately assess and successfully participate in relationships. See article Two for a quiz on what kind of stress you might be suffering from. Is stress only for older people?

I am afraid I have bad news. Stress can strike at any age. Take Danesh Vesuna. Danesh smoked twenty cigarettes a day, slept for barely four hours a night and drank heavily. He wasn't happy with his sales job at an insurance company. The pressure was intense--there were days when he would report to work at 9 am, and only leave at 1 am the next morning. In other words, Danesh is your average 26 year old. Except for one tiny detail. Indeed, some of the ones later in this article are almost effortless, and can be practised virtually any time, any place. This means we can progressively build up our skills, little by little, until we can be mindful even in the most challenging situations. If not, please go back and work through them, as they provide a foundation for the work that follows shortly. DON'T JUST DO SOMETHING: BE THERE! Time for a quick refresher. The golden rule of the confidence game is this: The actions of confidence come first; Only when we can do something well are we likely to feel confident. But it is almost impossible to do something well if we are not engaged in what we are doing. If we `just do it' mindlessly, lost in our thoughts, or we go through the motions on automatic pilot, then we probably won't do it very well. LENNY: (Thinks for a moment. They're fixing up the basement.

But that doesn't count; PAULINE: Good example. Again, it sounds as if you didn't recognize evidence that didn't fit with your idea I'm incompetent. I'm going to let you think about how true the idea is that anyone could have done what you did. Maybe this is another instance of not giving yourself credit, when another person might have thought it was evidence that you're competent. LENNY: Well, the minister thanked me a lot. PAULINE: And how many times this week did you take care of your basic needs: showering, brushing your teeth, eating meals, getting to bed at a reasonable hour? LENNY: Every day. The psychological concept of attachment is gaining in recognition, both in the professional and popular press. In the 1950s, English psychiatrist John Bowlby first articulated attachment theory. His premise was that attachment, the relationship between infant and primary caretaker, is responsible for the following: Shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships Aiding or hindering our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves Enabling us to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others Enabling us to rebound from misfortune Later social scientists, led by Mary Ainsworth, videotaped spontaneous interactions between parents and their young children. They analyzed thousands of still frames from these videos and observed secure and insecure attachments based on their observations of the subtle nuances between a caretaker and child, specifically how a child reacted to a caretaker when the caretaker left and then reentered a room. In a successful (secure) attachment, emotionally attuned communication and interaction was clearly recognized as mutual connection and understanding, whereas in a problematic (insecure) attachment, communication efforts did not achieve the same effect. Young Danesh happens to be a heart attack survivor. It all started one morning when he woke up with a dull ache in his chest.

This continued for four or five days until he figured he might as well do something about it. An ECG revealed that his blood pressure was at a high of 160/110. The doctor immediately put Danesh on medication. He took one tablet at night, and woke up the next morning with a feeling he best described as `a car parked on my chest'. Danesh set off for the hospital again. However, with the feeling of invincibility that most youngsters seem to possess, Danesh was convinced it was only a case of acidity and proceeded to enjoy a smoke on the way. The doctors took one look at the boy's fragile heart and knew the worst had happened. Danesh was instantly put on blood thinners. So how do we engage in our experiences? We pay attention. We notice what is happening, here and now. Paying attention is at the very core of mindfulness. But it's not just paying attention in any old way. Mindfulness means paying attention with openness, curiosity and flexibility. Let's break that down. Paying attention: we pay attention to what is happening in this moment, in both our `inner world' and the world outside us. In other words, we notice what we're thinking and feeling, and also what we can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. Openness: we are open to what is happening, even if we don't like or approve of it, as opposed to turning away or closing off from our experiences. PAULINE: And how many times this week did you say something like Brushing my teeth shows I'm competent; Getting my meals shows I'm competent;