Why did you gather here tonight?

Be sure they understand if someone asks for them for help, they need to check with you before they lend a hand. Your children should be taught that keeping secrets is not allowed in your family. In fact, eliminate the word secret from your vocabulary. If you are planning a surprise for someone, call it just that. A surprise. Sexual predators often say things like This is our secret. Make your child understand they need to tell you if someone asks them to keep a secret. No matter what. In ACT, we do not belittle your challenges or patronise you; We simply aim to empower you; Once we can defuse from our thoughts - ie separate from them and see them for what they are - we have many more options in life. No longer are we at the mercy of our minds, pushed around by ingrained patterns of unhelpful automatic thinking. Instead we can choose to pursue what truly matters to us - even when our minds make it hard with all that reason-giving. IF YOUR HANDS WERE YOUR THOUGHTS Many people misunderstand the point of defusion. They either think it's a way to get rid of negative thoughts, or a way to control your feelings. But it's neither. Here's an exercise to clarify what it's for. As described in the previous article, evaluation of an automatic thought (with or without a worksheet) may be less than optimal if clients fail to respond to their most upsetting thoughts or images, if their automatic thought is a core belief, if their evaluation and response are superficial, if they discount their response, or if the automatic thought is part of a dysfunctional thought process. CLINICAL TIPS

If you're not highly confident that clients will be able to use a list of questions or a worksheet effectively at home, ask them to predict what might happen. PAULINE: If you have trouble evaluating your thoughts this week, how are you likely to feel? ELSIE: Frustrated, I guess. PAULINE: What's likely to go through your mind? ELSIE: I don't know. I'll probably just quit. PAULINE: Can you imagine looking at the sheet of paper and not being able to figure out what to do? ELSIE: Yeah. Some people hold onto a grudge for years, and whenever the topic arises, they're livid, upset, and stressed out all over again. That's no way to live a happy life. By letting go of your anger, pride, and stubbornness, you'll feel lighter and happier. Clutter - A cluttered mind can cause some messy emotions, but the same can be said for a cluttered environment. Trying to find documents on a messy desk or digging for an item in a disorderly cabinet is stressful enough, but living in constant chaos does you no favors and can cause your stress levels to rise to a dizzying height. Some people don't even notice their clutter (or pretend not to), and others argue that their untidy lifestyle is okay because they know where everything is. The truth is that the state of your personal and professional environment can have a great effect on your stress levels. Chaos and clutter cause stress on both a conscious and subconscious level, and people will react to it in different ways. One person might jump in and tidy up, while another acknowledges the mess but shuts the door and walks away. The first person has the right idea. Another part of the plan is to get your kids to agree on some basic safety rules. If they're hanging around the neighborhood, they should always travel with a friend or two.

Insist they always use a sidewalk, which will make it more difficult for someone in a car to snatch them. If a sidewalk is not available, tell them to walk as far away from the curb as possible. It's also good practice to walk facing traffic so a car pulling up along side of them won't surprise them. If a car does pull up, advise your kids to run away toward the direction of the rear of the car. Putting a car in reverse quickly is harder to do than accelerating forward so the car will have difficulty following them. Never, not even for a minute, leave your little one alone in a car. The same goes for a public place. Don't put your child's name on their backpack, jackets or any other possessions. To do this, you'll need to position the article in such a way that you can read the instructions while keeping both your hands free to do the exercise. For example, you might spread it flat on a desktop, and use a paperweight to keep the articles open. Alternatively, you could memorise the instructions, or have someone else read them out to you. In this exercise, pretend that your hands are your thoughts. Place them in front of you, palms upwards, side-by-side - as if they were the open articles of a article. Ever so slowly, raise them up towards your face. Gradually bring them closer, until they are covering your eyes. Keeping your hands over your eyes, look at the world around you. How much are you missing out on? Imagine going around all day like this. PAULINE: What's going through your mind as you look at the paper? ELSIE: I should be able to do this.

I'm so stupid. PAULINE: It's good you told me that. Do you think it would help to have a reminder that it's just a skill you'll get better at? And that I can help you at the next session? ELSIE: Yes. PAULINE: Do you think this response will help enough? Or do you think we should put off this Action Plan item until we have more time to practice together? ELSIE: No, I think I can try it. Help your mind to make sense of your surroundings, reduce the stressors, and get rid of the clutter. Negative Attitude - People who are constantly negative towards themselves and others, most likely, carry around a lot of stress. Everything that comes out of their mouth is negative, and they're forever unhappy with themselves, unsatisfied with their lives, and unsupportive of other people's ideas and endeavors. You can't go through life with a fault-finding, cynical attitude and expect to be free from stress and anxiety. A negative attitude can only ever lead to negative thoughts and emotions, which fill you with more stress in an unending cycle. You need to peel back those negative layers and start looking at your life with positivity and gratitude. Negative thinking is a choice, and you need to choose differently. Start focusing on your abilities instead of your shortcomings. Let go of your negativity, and you will soon realize that a positive attitude brings you a step closer to less stress. Toxic Relationships - Humans need relationships, and the relationships we have play a significant role in our emotional and mental well-being. Children naturally let their guard down when they hear someone call their name. Always accompany your little one to the public restroom.

It doesn't matter if she's trick-or-treating or selling Girl Scout cookies, never let your child go door-to-door in your neighborhood without you. Always check all the windows and doors after a handyman, painter or other worker leaves your house and make sure they are closed and locked. Ask about security at your child's school and don't be afraid to talk to administrators if you're not comfortable with their policies. Get references for babysitters, tutors and anyone you hire to work in your home, like cleaning people, handymen or landscapers--and then call them. You may also want to do a background check. What should your children do if someone grabs them? Tell them to grab something else. Grab whatever is in reach--a sign, a tree, another person--and don't let go. How hard would it be to act effectively and do the things that make your life work? Now, ever so slowly, lower your hands. As the gap between your hands and face increases, notice what happens. How much better is your view of the world around you? How much more information can you take in? How much more effectively can you act? Now let your hands rest. Notice they have not disappeared. They are still with you. If there's some way you can use them to improve your life, you are free to use them. PAULINE: Okay, now if you do get frustrated and have automatic thoughts, be sure to jot them down. Here I make the Action Plan into a no-lose proposition: Either ELSIE does it successfully, or we'll collaboratively work on it at the next session.