Forgiving Others

Being resentful or angry with people - or even worse - reliving hate and anger over and over again is toxic. It's bad for your energy; It might be difficult to accept, but you're not doing it for the other person, you are doing it for yourself. Once you forgive and let go, you will sleep better, you will enjoy your present moments more, and a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders. They say being angry and having resentments towards another person is like drinking poison and hoping the other individual dies from it. In other words, it's crazy and self-harming. Holding grudges hurts you more than anybody else. It's why you have an exacting gaze when it comes to reviewing things that make other people's eyes glaze over, like stats, graphs, and the fine print. You're constantly on the lookout for the one inconsistency that shows that somebody messed up or is trying to pull a fast one. You don't have trust issues because trust is a nonissue. Your working assumption is that everyone has something to hide and is guilty until proven otherwise. It may sound harsh and cynical, but it comes in handy for the type of work that you do, which is usually investigative in nature. Unafraid to ask the uncomfortable questions, you poke and probe. You listen with great intensity--focusing on what's said as much as what's unsaid. The devil is in the details, but the divine is too. That's why you also need to know when to extend the benefit of the doubt. You don't want to miss out on that key to salvation that could wind up saving the day. Here's a simple breakdown of ageless labels that are perfect for mixing. Just choose your price points: high, medium, or low. Before you walk out the door, take a minute to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you look effortlessly chic.

If the answer is yes, you're outta there. If you hesitate at all, you've tried too hard, and trying too hard is one of the most common mistakes that can label you OL. You need to, as they say in the fashion biz, take it down a notch. The way to do this is by introducing a casual piece into the mix. For instance, if you're wearing a sequined tank and need a cover-up, consider a cropped cardigan rather than a rhinestone suit jacket. Another way to bring it down a notch is to change to a more casual shoe. Switch from a four-inch pump to an open-toe platform sandal. You are the sum total of the thoughts, feelings, words and actions other people dumped on you. Take a moment to think about it and answer the following revealing questions honestly: Is the information that was dumped on me since childhood and dictates my life the truth? Are they the best guidelines for me to live by? Do I want to keep living in the same way those who influenced me lived? Were the people who influenced me to become who I am successful in any of the things they did? Were they loving and kind, and disciplined? Were they friendly, positive and happy people? If your answers to these questions are NO, you are probably saying you don't want to be like them nor do you like who you are now. But, if you do nothing about it, guess what? Contact with other people is no longer fraught with danger but becomes a source of pleasure and emotional nourishment. Anxiety as a learned response The behaviorists have discovered that fear and anxiety are learned, conditioned responses.

Thus they are best transformed through exposure. For example, if a woman has a bridge phobia, the best way to cure the bridge phobia is by approaching a bridge. However, if she approaches the bridge too quickly, her fear gets triggered, and then her phobia is reinforced. Conversely, whenever the woman avoids a bridge due to her fear, this also reinforces the fear. The solution is neither to avoid bridges (which reinforces the fear) nor to rush onto them (which has the same result), but to approach the bridge slowly, carefully, and with full control. The behaviorists importantly note that it's not just exposure to the feared stimulus that extinguishes fear but safe and controlled exposure. Behaviorism realized early on that relaxation and fear were mutually exclusive bodily states. When triggers are predictable, it helps to plan ahead. The next time Lydia expects a visit from her brother, she might have earplugs on hand to wear at night, when she knows her anxiety is most likely to be triggered. She might plan to exercise more and drink less coffee during the day to help her sleep. She could be ready with appropriate strategies for tolerating anxiety, if it came up--going for a walk might not be feasible at three o'clock in the morning, so instead she could warn her husband that she might need him to hold her. She could design some household rules, such as no cooking after ten o'clock, and communicate them in advance, to keep her brother and her out of each other's way at night in her small apartment. She could practice her communication skills in advance, too, but we're getting ahead of ourselves. Therapy (and Other Therapeutic Options) If you are not getting the support you need from other family members or friends, you may want to seek outside help from your doctor, a therapist, marriage counselor, mentor, spiritual adviser, and/or a support group. Fellow family members may be too caught up in their own reactions to hear your concerns, help you feel calm and optimistic, or strategize constructively. It is not weak or selfish to ask for help. That would pull your energy away from you. Moving your body with focus and intention transforms the movements into a way of connecting deeply with yourself. Here, you give your brain and heart an opportunity to work through any issues or challenges that they may be holding.

It's a meditation of sorts that allows you to process anything and everything that's going on in your world, from conflict with a friend, a difficult class or assignment, or instability at home. I find that I often emerge from a workout inspired and uplifted from all the adrenaline and endorphins I produced while moving, but also calmer, more peaceful, and with a different perspective on a problem that I've been facing. From what I remember from my own years as a teenager and what I see in my teenage son, a major part of getting through the years that bridge childhood and adulthood is understanding that you can influence the outcomes of many aspects of your life, but you'll never control them all. You can study for a test in hopes of getting a good grade; Yet sometimes the outcome doesn't match your effort. The test covered unexpected material; You're going to make mistakes. The negative feelings that you are feeling will hurt your health and character - and even worse - keeping your focus stuck in the past wounds could attract even more unpleasant experiences into your life. One thing is clear though. Forgiving others doesn't mean that you are stupid. Or being a forgiving person doesn't mean that people can do to you what they like. Set clear boundaries, put limits on other's behavior, or call them out on the spot. Expel people who hurt you from your life, but don't hold grudges. Let them go, forgive them, forget them and move on. Learn from the experience and be open to new, better experiences to come. Also - though this might be slightly uncomfortable - call people that you have wronged or hurt, and honestly apologize, or at least write them a letter. If there is any shortcut to a healthy self-esteem, this is probably it. Scorpio Mercury/Libra Sun: You love double entendres and innuendos. Nothing delights you more than meeting someone who speaks the same code.

Everything you say and do carries a veiled meaning. It's not like you've got something to hide. You just like creating the impression that you do. Scorpio Mercury/Scorpio Sun: You don't take anything at face value. You're always looking under the table, checking your boyfriend's texts, or rummaging through a friend's medicine cabinet. It comes from checking your closet at night for monsters when you were a kid. Here are some other ways to instantly take it down a notch. Remember, the look you're trying to achieve is effortlessly chic -- not effortless! The flip side of looking like you've tried too hard is looking like you haven't tried at all. For example, showing up at the airport in sweats, sneakers, and a fanny pack looks just plain sloppy. There are chicer ways of dressing comfortably, such as dark denim jeans, a cashmere sweater, and sport shoes (see article 18). When you're traveling, avoid the dreaded OL tourist uniform: sneakers, baggy jeans, oversized T-shirt or sweatshirt, and fanny pack. Dress to look chic on the streets of whatever city you're in. And remember that the chicer you look, the better you'll be treated -- in restaurants, in stores, in hotels, in line. STAR STYLES Effortlessly Chic You are allowing the same patterns they dumped on you to keep running and ruining your life and in turn you will dump it on your children. You should not be surprised when your children turn out to be copies of you and if they are negative and unsuccessful, who should you blame? I suppose you have heard the story about the calm friendly and happy New York taxi driver?