How does your body feel?

Some have just one belief within a category; Sometimes it's clear in which category a given negative core belief belongs, especially when clients actually use words such as I am helpless or I am unlovable. At other times, it's not as clear. For example, depressed clients may say, I'm not good enough. You need to find out the meaning of cognitions like these to determine whether clients believe they are not good enough because they haven't achieved enough (helpless category), or if they believe they're not good enough for others to love them (unlovable category). Likewise, when clients say, I'm worthless, they may mean that they don't achieve highly enough (helpless category) or that they won't be able to gain or maintain love and intimacy with others because of something within themselves (unlovable category). The cognition I'm worthless falls in the worthlessness category when clients are concerned with their immorality or toxicity, not their effectiveness or lovability. Core Beliefs about Others, the World, and the Future To learn in a manner that produces change (and not merely a glut of information), we need to engage the emotional centers of the brain in ways that connect us to others. There is a difference between learning--a process of intellectual absorption--and changing--a process of applying what we have learned to the varying circumstances in our lives. Change is a more complicated process involving brain integration than is data gathering. Just reading this article won't be enough to raise your emotional intelligence. Not that it isn't a good start, but to change your work and home relationships you need to overcome distractions and dedicate time to acquiring and integrating the skills that permit emotional intelligence to flourish. Preparing for Change How can you prepare for change? Start by observing what gets in the way. What gets in the way? What makes you too busy to dedicate quality uninterrupted time to exploring and practicing new skills? Gets into trouble at school Acts out aggressively

Hangs out with other bullies Worries about reputation or popularity Is overly competitive Blames others instead of taking responsibility for own actions Has extra money and new stuff but can't explain where it came from If you've gotten the dreaded call from school that your child has been involved in a bullying incident, there are a few steps you need to take. First, establish a no-bullying rule for home and school. Let your child know that you will not tolerate the behavior and there will be serious consequences. So thank your mind for those thoughts and carry on reading. On the other hand, if your mind is being positive and encouraging, enjoy it. Remember, the mind is a double-edged sword. At times, it will generate thoughts that are helpful; And sometimes it will even do both simultaneously. So enjoy it when your mind is being helpful - but don't come to rely on it, because it can change like the wind. And especially be alert for . In the great Wall Street Crash of 1929, bankrupt businessmen leapt from the rooftops of their buildings. And in 2009 Michael knew exactly how they felt. One year earlier, Michael had been the director of a hugely profitable company. Clients without psychological problems generally have balanced views of other people and the world (eg, I can trust many people but not everyone; Most people will be either neutral or benign toward me, though some might not;

Many parts of my world are safe enough but other parts can be dangerous; The world is complex, with good, neutral, and bad parts). Individuals with psychological difficulties, though, may have negative and relatively absolutistic core beliefs about other people and their worlds: Other people are untrustworthy/superior to me/critical; Other people will hurt me; The world is a rotten place; The world is dangerous. When individuals aren't depressed, they generally have a balanced view of the future, understanding that they will have many positive, neutral, and negative experiences. When clients are depressed, though, they usually see their future as dark, as unremittingly unhappy, as having little or no satisfaction or pleasure, and as being beyond their control. Most of us lead lives full of distraction. Our focused attention is constantly being interrupted, distracted, and absorbed by electronic gadgetry--cell phones, BlackBerries, e-mail, computers, and television. What will keep you from exploring and integrating the practices in the first part of this article that prime success for acquiring the skills in the second half of the article? Without indulging in self-criticism, just observe what you do with your time. Keeping a diary for a week or two might make you aware of how much time you have that you might want to use in other ways. Carve out some quality time for acquiring new skills. Dedicate from thirty to sixty minutes a day of quality time (in the earlier part of the day if you're a morning person, in the evening if you're an evening person). Sometimes time can be acquired by multitasking. The emotional awareness exercise in the first half of this article is in part a form of meditation. So if you have already set aside a time to meditate, perhaps this can be substituted. Then be sure you follow through immediately if you learn he is involved in an incident. Talk to your child and try to find out why he's doing it.

If he tries to pass the blame onto someone else, tell him you want to hear about his role in the incident only. Then encourage empathy by asking him how he would feel in the victim's shoes. Together, come up with a way he can apologize to the victim. Find out what others think about your child's behavior. Teachers, guidance counselors and administrators may be able to shed some light on what's happening at school. Is your child struggling with anger? Who is your child hanging around with? Look for anything that could be influencing the behavior. But now, everything had changed. The Global Financial Crisis had crippled his business, and he was now forced to sell it at a major loss. Michael was in a truly wretched state. Miserable, hopeless and defeated - a far cry from how he'd felt twelve months earlier. When he had been doing well, at the top of his game, he thought of himself as a `winner'. And not surprisingly, that made him feel good. But now the tide had turned. Now his mind kept telling him he was a `loser'. And that, surprise, surprise, did not feel so good. Michael was painfully caught in the `self-esteem trap'. Fixed, overgeneralized negative ideas often need to be evaluated and modified, in addition to negative core beliefs about the self. Ideas that are more reality based often need to be strengthened by, for example, asking clients to draw conclusions about their neutral and positive experiences (What does this experience show about you?

About others? About the world? What does it say about what your future could be like? LENNY's Core Beliefs Before LENNY became depressed, he recognized when he was acting competently and being effective. He encountered some situations that were similar to those he faced during his depression. But the schemas containing his adaptive beliefs were activated and so he interpreted those situations differently. He viewed signs of possible incompetence as situation specific; This exercise also accommodates itself well to routine physical exercise, such as solitary walking, when it is not necessary to remain alert to traffic dangers. Motivate yourself every day. Create a clear picture in your mind's eye (your imagination) of what you want to accomplish and why. Why do you want to become more emotionally intelligent? What will you gain that is important to you? Bring as much sensual awareness as possible into your process of imagining what you want. See, smell, touch, taste, and feel what being emotionally intelligent will be like for you. Spend a little time before bed and after you wake up in the morning dwelling on your good reasons for wanting to learn the skills that let you access emotional intelligence. Be prepared for setbacks. Change is always a two steps forward, one step back process--expect that! Then look at your own behavior. How do you talk to your kids?