Tuesday, 20 October 2020

The perils of too much sitting

Do you have trouble managing your anger? Are you able to work through conflicts with others? Your kids are learning how to treat others by watching you. If yelling, name calling, putdowns and harsh criticism are a norm in your house, your kids may think these learned behaviors are acceptable anywhere. Most importantly, if the bullying doesn't stop, reach out to a counselor for help. Cyberbullying Cyberbullying is using technology to bully someone. One child harasses, threatens or embarrasses another through emails, text messages, interactive games, or on social media. FALLING INTO THE TRAP Our society often encourages us to think in terms of `winners' and `losers', `successes' and `failures', `champions' and `underachievers'. We frequently encounter all sorts of articles, articles and experts that tell us: `Think like a winner! If we get hooked by the story that we're a `winner', a `champion' or a `success', there may well be some short-term benefits. For example, we may get to feel good about ourselves for a while. How long before our minds find someone else who is achieving more or being `more successful' than us? And when our minds inevitably locate that other person and start comparing, what happens next? That's right: now our minds call us the `loser' or `failure'. You may have heard of the concept of `fragile self-esteem'. It's something very common in `successful' professionals and athletes. Oh, well, and his mood didn't drop. When he forgot his daughter's anniversary, he thought, No wonder I forgot.

Things have been so busy recently. As LENNY was becoming depressed, his positive schemas became deactivated and his negative schemas containing the cognitions I am incompetent/a failure and I am helpless/out of control became almost fully activated. When he was firmly in the depressive mode, he interpreted situations in a highly negative, global way, as confirming these negative beliefs. Seeing himself as incompetent or ineffective was very distressing to LENNY; He had always prided himself on being responsible and productive and doing a good job. He perceived that he could no longer fulfill those important values. As illustrated by the information-processing model on article 34, LENNY began to overemphasize and overgeneralize negative data, contained in negative rectangles, continually reinforcing his belief that he was incompetent and a failure. For example, he got an overdue notice for a bill in the mail. New ideas and new ways of being are programmed into the brain alongside old information and practices. Eventually, there will be more new connections in the brain than old connections, but it takes time and practice to build them. It also requires choice. During the process of exchanging new behavior for old behavior, it is not uncommon for the mind to present us with two differing possibilities--and it is up to us to choose the new over the old. This is where motivation comes in handy. Reward yourself. Take time to appreciate all the hard work and the gains you are making. Notice the positive changes that are taking place in your life, and give yourself credit for these accomplishments. Acknowledge the effort you're making to change and the fact that it takes real courage to go where you have not gone before. Don't attempt change without the help and support of others. Cyberbullying can be more upsetting than in-person bullying for several reasons. First, victims feel like they can't escape the bullies because cyberbullying can happen anywhere at anytime.

Also, the aggression may be more extreme because kids will often say things online they would never say face-to-face. And many times the harassment is anonymous so it's difficult to trace. If your child is the target of cyberbullies there are some things you can do. First, as tempting as it is, don't take away your child's technology. Many victims will hide cyberbullying from their parents for fear of losing online access. Print or save all emails, texts or posts for evidence. Block the bully from contacting your child via the cell phone provider. Do the same thing on social media channels. As long as they achieve all their goals, they can hold on tightly to the `I'm a winner' story, and they get to feel good about themselves. But the moment their performance drops - and sooner or later, it will - the story instantly changes to `I'm a loser'. And if they're in the habit of holding on tight to self-judgements, then they get reeled in to the black hole of `I'm a loser'. So the `winners/losers' mindset is inherently problematic. It creates a desperate need to achieve, fuelled by the fear of becoming a `loser' or a `failure'. This in turn leads to chronic stress, performance anxiety or burn-out. And consider this too: when someone holds on tightly to `I'm a winner', in the long term, what effect does that have on their relationships? Have you ever tried to build a good-quality relationship, based on openness, respect and equality, with someone hooked on their own positive self-judgements; We read all the time about rock stars, movie stars, supermodels and other famous people who take their own press too seriously and start to believe they really are better than everyone else, and we see how much tension and stress they create with their narcissistic, egocentric behaviour. Contrast these folks with Nelson Mandela, who said in one interview: `That was one of the things that worried me - to be raised to the position of a semi-god - because then you are no longer a human being. He immediately understood this information as confirming his incompetence. At the same time, LENNY failed to recognize a significant amount of positive data related to his schema of relative effectiveness--such as continuing some of his usual activities even though the depression made it very difficult to do so (eg, researching which appliance his daughter should buy for her kitchen).

Note that had he become overwhelmed by the choices, he would have interpreted that experience in a negative light, as confirming his maladaptive core belief. These positive triangles bounced off the schema and did not get incorporated. LENNY also discounted much positive information through his Yes, but . When he successfully negotiated a reduction in his cable bill the next day, his mind automatically discounted this positive evidence too (I should have done this months ago). These two experiences were contrary to his negative core beliefs. Their positive triangles were, in essence, changed into negative rectangles. LENNY was not consciously processing information in this dysfunctional way. This kind of information processing is a symptom of depression and arises automatically. You will need the support of family members, friends, colleagues, coworkers, or perhaps a counselor or therapist whom you can talk to about what you are doing and discovering. Talking about what you sense and feel will result in good feelings, but it will also integrate what you learn, giving it real sticking power. Besides talking to people who are close to you, trade off with someone you don't know as well but who also wants to raise his or her emotional intelligence. The two of you can take turns being the person who listens and the person who shares his or her experiences. Building Emotional Intelligence In this article you will find the following: Information to help you see yourself and others in a new light Guidelines to separate helpful from damaging communication Exercises to show you how to remain calm and focused, regardless of the circumstances Exercises to help you discover and improve your emotional awareness Then, take the same steps for handling in-person bullying. Don't respond to harassment, involve the bully's parents and school.

If there are two words that could easily represent our life today, they might be `stress' and `getaway', the latter being an effort to put the former to rest, even if for a little while. But how about getting away from stress without having to actually get away from what is in fact our life? Yes, for everyone who ever wondered how they were going to cope, whether that nagging headache would ever subside and if, at any point, there would be relief from the unrelenting pressure of daily life, this article is my answer to them. Juggling relationships, parenthood, high pressure jobs, commutes, loans, education, and all the `necessary' ingredients to get ahead isn't easy, and it is increasingly taking its toll on us. I realized I had to take a few steps back some years ago. I was cementing my place in the world of fitness, training clients, juggling classes between my kids' school, PTAs, and instructing help who ran away the minute they were ready to rock and roll. It also became increasingly difficult for me to counsel my clients to take it easy when I was evidently as much on edge as them. So, I decided to take serious steps towards figuring out HOW to handle the stress in my life. I wanted to be known as Mandela, a man with weaknesses - some of which are fundamental. THE SELF-ESTEEM MYTH The self-esteem industry is worth a small fortune, and it has done an excellent job of selling us on the importance of its products. Once a term used only by psychologists, `self-esteem' is now a household word, with parents, teachers, therapists and coaches preaching its many benefits. But does high self-esteem live up to its own reputation? Does it really make us happier, healthier and more successful? Or have we all been hoodwinked by a seductive sales pitch? First, let's define what `high self-esteem' actually means, because there is more than one interpretation. By far the most common meaning of `high self-esteem' is evaluating oneself positively; Answer each statement true or false: I recognized that it would be important to work directly on modifying LENNY's negative core beliefs, not only to alleviate his current depression, but also to prevent or reduce the severity of future episodes. CLINICAL TIPS

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